So, you’re going to be married soon and before that you want to make sure you win over your to-be mother-in-law? Like it or not, the fact is your mother-in-law is an important person in your spouse’s life, so try your best to get her on your side. Keep these simple tips in mind to build a strong relationship with your to-be mother-in-law. Here you go…
1. Focus on The Good Things
Take away your judgment or dislike and start liking her. Find things that you admire about your spouse’s mother and focus on the good. For instance, she is looking out for her daughter/son’s best interest, only a good mother would do that.
2. Communicate and Praise Her
Develop a communication with your spouse’s mother. Start by mentioning what a good job she is doing as a mother and praise her for raising such a wonderful daughter/son. This should be genuine because if she hadn’t raised such a wonderful daughter/son, you wouldn’t like your potential partner.
3. Take Her Opinion
If you’re confused about your partner’s taste or choice, take your to-be mother-in-law’s opinion, as she will know best.
4. Be Polite
Talk very politely to your partner when his/her mother is around and never let the mother see you in a bad mood.
5. Gift Her Something
You could even buy your to-be mother-in-law something that she likes. It could be her favourite sweets, flowers, home decor item, etc. She’ll actually treasure your gift, trust us!
6. Compliment Her
Sincerely compliment her by saying that her daughter/son always keeps praising her and thinks that she’s the best mother in the world. Be kind to her and appreciate her for the way she is.
7. Avoid Complaining
If you’re not very fond of your to-be mother-in-law, don’t tell your partner about it. In fact, tell your partner how you appreciate his/her mother’s concern. Remember, if you start complaining to your partner, s/he will obviously talk to his/her mother about it to get things sorted. And your mother-in-law may not like that. So, it’s best to avoid talking negative.
8. Take it Lightly
Whenever your potential mother-in-law starts criticizing you, look for some humour in it. This will show her the other side of you and will get her to lighten up. Don’t take it too seriously.
9. Clarify all Misunderstandings
Keep in mind that both of you love the same person and want what is best for him/her. This puts both of you on the same side. If your to-be mother-in-law has a different picture of you that is not right, make sure you clear her misunderstandings.
10. Your Body-Language Matters
Remember, actions do speak louder than words. Therefore, even though you are using a lot of words, your body language should be in sync with it.
Lastly, do not try to fake it or be too nice, just be genuine. If all this still doesn’t work, seek out conflict resolution in counselling.
- Dr Prakriti Poddar, Marriage Counsellor and Hypnotherapist